i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
