Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
