first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
