i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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