If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
