Kiss
Puke
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
