Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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