I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I smell like Dick and happiness
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
