I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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