reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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