I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
