i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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