Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
