You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
