I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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