Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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