u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
