i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
