She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I can't turn off my feet"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
