Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
