I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
