so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
