Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
