I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
