That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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