Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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