exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
