But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
