Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
should my penis look like a turkey
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
