Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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