be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
