As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
