He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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