she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
