The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
