those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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