I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
