I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
