And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
