Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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