please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
