i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
