I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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