I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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