lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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