I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
