Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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