i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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