If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
