hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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