Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
