Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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