New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
