I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize