i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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