2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
