Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
