I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My vagina just recognized that song.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
