All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
