I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
This is the high leading the old right now
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
