Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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