the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
