He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
