I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
