I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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